Mental health support starts with noticing the unsaid
Author
Published
5/20/2025
Can you recall a moment you felt seen?
Earlier this year, I began treatment for tension headaches.
Some days I saw progress. Other days, it felt like my head was front row at the world’s loudest (and worst) concert.
One afternoon over a group lunch, I felt that familiar pounding creeping up the base of my skull. I tried to ward it off by subtly stretching my neck and closed my eyes for a brief second to regain focus.
I hadn’t verbalized my discomfort, but a friend at the table noticed and quietly offered me some aspirin.
It meant a lot to someone like me who doesn’t like to admit when something is wrong. Someone who would rather suffer quietly than feel like a burden or risk the appearance of being a “complainer.”
Mental health stigma
I find this is also true in rural communities where self-reliance is deeply valued. Or people avoid talking about their troubles because they perceive “someone else has it worse.”
But let me gently remind you—comparative suffering doesn’t help anyone—not you, not your neighbor. No one gets a trophy for “toughing it out” the longest.
It’s that mindset that leads people to put every to-do ahead of their personal well-being. Over time, that approach can disrupt sleep patterns, dietary choices, overall health and personal connections with others.
Impact of isolation on mental health
It’s those relationships though that can keep us grounded.
You may have read headlines about loneliness being as harmful to our health as chain smoking. Research does show that even the smallest of interactions can have positive impacts on our mental state. Referred to as weak ties, these daily touches could include greeting the mail carrier, a chat with a store clerk or a wave from a neighbor.
For people who lack those interactions, especially during busy farm seasons, they aren’t being “seen.” Which makes check-ins especially critical.
That’s why, if you’re reading this, I challenge you to text a friend who you haven’t heard from in a while. It could be as simple as, “Hey, you popped into my mind today, and I wanted to see how you were doing.”
Supporting those struggling with mental health
When you sense a change in someone, it’s OK to be bold and say, “I care about you, and I can tell something is bothering you. What’s up?”
Then it’s time to listen to what they’re saying (and not saying).
Phrases, like “Oh, I’m just tired,” can refer to lack of sleep or a deeper struggle. Listen nonjudgmentally, without offering a solution or trying to make things better.
Sometimes being seen and heard is enough, but there are instances when additional help is needed.
Rural mental health services
In rural Iowa, farm families have access to free, confidential, ongoing counseling through the Farm Family Wellness Alliance. And it’s available 24/7, so farm families don’t have to worry about fitting in another thing during the busy season.
There’s strength in allowing yourself to be seen, just as there is in seeing others.
Whether you're offering comfort or finding the courage to accept it, please know being seen isn’t weakness.
It’s where healing begins.
Learn more about author Caitlyn Lamm here.